Words create our reality. Once we put them out there, we can’t take them back. Expressions like “I didn’t mean to say that” or “I was only kidding” come too late.
So why do couples get into needless arguments? Jeffery S. Smith, MD, writes in Psychology Today:
The cause of arguments and fights is a lack of mutual, empathic understanding. When empathy is not engaged, then people revert to a self-protective mode and become judgmental. The result is a bad feeling on both sides and no happy ending.
People want to be understood, not just heard.
Author Daniel Kahneman’s theory of two different systems of thinking sheds light on why we sometimes lose the ability to be empathetic in our relationships. …
The world is full of uncertainty right now, and many people are experiencing the ups and downs of adapting to new ways of living. I’ve had a few emotional dips recently, which took me by surprise—I’m generally an upbeat person.
But William Bridges, author of Transitions: Making Sense of Life’s Changes, has some compelling explanations for these ebbs and flows. He explains that change is external—moving from one city to another, for example—but transition or adaptation to change is an internal, psychological process.
Bridges describes three nonlinear phases of transition: endings, neutral zone, and new beginnings. Endings occur with significant changes in relationships, employment, home life, finances, lifestyle, and inner being. The neutral zone is a place of emptiness, a kind of no-man’s-land — endings are not fully resolved, and the future is not clear. …
In Colorado, buffalo and cows live relatively close together because of the unique topography. The Rocky Mountains are in the western and middle parts of the state, and vast plains lie to the east.
When a storm rolls in from the west, cows that are grazing run east with the storm. Cows can run, but not that fast. So, they don’t outrun the bad weather at all. They get stuck in it and maximize the pain, suffering, and agitation of the very thing they are trying to avoid.
While animal researchers report that cows are quite intelligent and have excellent problem-solving skills, they haven’t solved dealing with storms more effectively- yet. …
During my career in corporate sales and consulting, I’ve worked with some outstanding senior leaders and a few that were not entirely enjoyable.
Those that created a more positive experience showed up fully present, listening with an open mind, sharing credit for work well done, pushing decision making down, setting clear goals, and providing useful feedback.
They were able to communicate an inspiring vision and a solid supporting strategy. Trust amongst their functional leaders was robust and team members cared about each other. Ideas flowed freely, and decisions were made quickly and effectively.
The less effective leaders drew too much attention to themselves. They didn’t listen to opposing points of view with curiosity. They kept decision making in the hands of very few. They blamed others when faced with defeat and created an atmosphere where speaking up was stifled with fear of retaliation. …
2020 was a good year for me on Medium, better than I thought it would be. I published 28 articles, 18 of which were picked up by well-known publications, and 3 went viral (each earning over $1,000).
They generated over 300,00 views, 88,000 reads, and 3,000 followers.
I write because I love writing. My goal then and now is not on making money, getting fans or views. My focus was and is on writing well and learning to write better. This doesn’t mean money, fans, or views aren’t important to me. They are, but they’re not the focus.
The focus is on writing what I know about that can help others while being deeply truthful, real, and human. …
We are born into a world of opposites. Dark, light. Hot, cold. Summer, winter. Right brain, left brain. Masculine, feminine. Yin-female. Yang-masculine.
All men and women both have masculine and feminine energy, which has nothing to do with gender. There are positive, bright, or mature aspects of masculine and feminine energy and immature, dark, and toxic expressions.
For example, women can be purposeful, strong, and driven — yet these qualities are most often associated with being male. But digging deeper, it’s not really about being male. It’s masculine energy coming through someone that we notice.
Women can be sensitive, caring, and kind — qualities typically associated with being feminine. But the same holds true for men. Men can be kind, and men can also be tough. What’s most powerful and most attractive is when someone is both. …
I watched 10 minutes of American network news on January 2nd. The gloom and doom were in full swing: infections, political vetoes and overrides, deaths, and snowstorms. I didn’t stick around for the short feel-good story at the end that’s supposed to make me all warm and fuzzy after being shoved into a vat of burning tar.
2021 is off to a dark start.
Or maybe not?
It depends on what you know about black holes.
A black hole is a place in space where a tremendous amount of matter is packed into a very tiny area. Think of a star 10 times larger than the sun squeezed into the size of a city like Boston. Its gravity is so strong that light doesn’t escape. Black holes are hard to detect, but scientists locate them through their influence on surrounding stars. They have great power over anything that comes near them, and despite their name, they contain plenty of light. …
2020 is coming to an end. Not soon enough, you might add. Yes, it’s been a tumultuous year, but fortunately not as bad as 536 AD, the beginning of the Dark Ages, or 1349 the year the Black Death killed half of Europe, or 1918 when the Spanish flu killed over 50 million people. Nevertheless, it’s turned our lives upside down.
Many of us would like this year to go as quickly as a house guest who overstayed their welcome, clogged up the toilet, and drank all the wine. …
We never really know what the day holds for us. Sometimes it’s smooth sailing. Other times we get surprised and run into challenging situations, complex issues, and ornery people. Sometimes we’re the ornery ones.
The way we handle any challenge significantly impacts our emotional, mental, and physical well-being. When we resolve an issue skillfully, we’re able to move on with our lives. The alternative, however, might leave us feeling stressed and stuck wasting our time and energy. The residue of those unresolved challenges stays in our minds and bodies.
There are two keys to feeling at peace with an outcome: a generative mindset and positive intentions. …
I was nervous when I walked through the door of the clinic. I was even more nervous lying on the table in my surgical gown, legs apart as the nurse happily shaved my balls. Maybe they gave me some Valium. I really can’t remember. I doubt it.
But I do remember when the doc brought out the needle filled with local anesthesia. It was the largest I’d ever seen, and it would be inserted not once, but twice into my now clean-shaven, yes — those. “You’re going to feel a little pinch now.” Ouch. Thanks for that. Fuckers.
I didn’t pass out, perhaps because the doc and the nurse talked the entire pre-op phase about their weekend plans and how the local football team was doing. Do they even realize I’m lying here on the table, scared out of my mind? I figured they didn’t take the class on helping patients feel like you care about them. …